


Just A Little

by queen_scribbles



Category: Pillars of Eternity
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-01
Updated: 2017-03-01
Packaged: 2018-09-27 16:44:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10034006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queen_scribbles/pseuds/queen_scribbles
Summary: Tavi's never really liked opening up about her past, but in some circumstances, fair is fair.





	

Tavi had never liked silence.

Sure, to some people who lived on the move (or the run, and guess which of those two fit her) it meant a moment’s peace, breathing room. To her, it meant the horrible hanging moment before the other shoe dropped and everything went so far sideways it may as well have set sail for Rauatai. It was even worse when _people_ were silent. When there was a conversation that needed to be had and no one wanted to have it, leaving you to wonder if there even was a right thing to say.

She’d never actually worried about saying the right thing before today. Before Bellasege’s office, and Iselmyr, and Aloth developing an inability to meet her eye. She’d always said what she thought and damn the consequences. But for some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to blurt out the thoughts rattling around in her head. All of them were blunt, and most were _extremely_ sarcastic variations on the premise that Aloth (apparently) had a very different definition of the word ‘strict’ than she did. (Much as he seemed to resent his… extra passenger, Tavi found it hard to disagree with Iselmyr’s actions. She’d probably have done worse.) 

But that conversation would require treading lightly, something she’d never been good at, and would involve revisiting–yet again–memories the party wizard _obviously_ didn’t like to dwell on. Or even acknowledge existed. She scowled and swore under her breath as The Fox and Goose came into view. She wasn’t good at the touchy-feely thing, and hated that she felt strangely motivated to even attempt it. But hard as she tried to ignore it, the inexplicable urge to give it a shot refused to go away. 

x*X*x

All through dinner it nagged at her. All night, as she drifted between a light doze and staring at the ceiling (because the dreams were bad tonight), it prodded. She was tired, grumpy, and snappish the next morning as they ate breakfast and made preparations to travel on again. Aloth was only in a _slightly_ better mood than her, and still even more quiet than usual. The tension was noticable enough even Kana and Sagani were more subdued than usual as they finished their breakfast and packed up.

Defiance Bay was an hour behind them before Sagani’s curiosity sort-of got the best of her. “Look, Watcher, the details are none of my business–bad as I might wanna know 'em–but you gotta do somethin’ about Aloth.”

Tavi raised a skeptical brow. “Why me? You and Kana are more the fountains of boundless energy and enthusiasm.”

“But you’re the boss,” Sagani shrugged.

She snorted. “So, what? I should just order him to go back to normal? I don’t think it works like that, 'Gani. Something’s been… off since the sanitarium.” One hand raked through her hair. “I don’t know _how_ to fix it. I’ve always been shit with words. I prefer to hit things as the solution to problems.”

“Well, then, think of it as an opportunity to practice, Tav,” the ranger said. “'Cause he’s being gloomy, and you’re bein’ gloomy, and gloomy people are just no fun to travel with, lemme tell ya.”

A small smile tugged at Tavi’s lips. “I’ll see what I can do.” 

x*X*x

It finally came to her as she lay staring at the wall of her tent, trying to count stitches in mended rips(maybe they would work better than sheep), and when it did, it was so obvious she rolled over and growled an oath into her pillow before standing and groping for her boots. Another curse slipped out when she couldn’t find them, but she still stooped and ducked out of her tent barefoot.  
Fortunately for her, she had the timing right, and it was Aloth’s watch, rather than someone else’s. She padded over to the log where he sat, picking at a hangnail as she asked, “Can I join you?”

He started slightly, shrugged. “You may do as you wish, Watcher.”

 _I **wish** I could get you to look at me again._ She sat next to him, taking great pains not to let her hand brush his. She could _feel_ the memory he was worrying, the silvered purple of his soul pressing against hers. If she touched him, she wouldn’t have a _choice_ anymore of whether or not she saw even more of himself than he wanted to share. _Again._

Tavi dug her toes into the dirt and let out a slow breath, pushing away the memory that begged to be viewed. “I feel like I owe you an apology.”

His confused frown could almost be physically _felt_. “Whatever for?”

“I, um… fuck, I’m no good at this.” She briefly rested her head in her hands. “I feel like I saw–well, heard–more than I maybe should’ve during our conversation with Bellasege. You didn’t seem particularly happy talkin’ about the, um, Awakening mess, and even less so to have an audience. Even if the audience was just me.”

Aloth snorted softly. “Given the general opinion of… such things, can you blame me?”

“No, not at all!” Her hands balled to fists in her lap in an effort to keep them to herself. “I just mean… Well, since I know things about your past you wanted to stay buried, maybe I should… return the favor?” 

His look was one of utter confusion, but at least he was _looking at her_. “Meaning?”

“Meaning, city slicker, ask me anything ya want about my past an’ I’ll answer. And for this one night only, I’ll make you a special deal: the answers _won’t_ come with a side of snark or sass. 'Less you sass me first.”

The faintest ghost of a smile flickered across his face, barely visible in the low light from the banked campfire. “Generous of you. Anything?”

“Anything,” Tavi nodded, forcing the word out past a protesting knot in her throat. She’d always felt talking about her past would make it catch her faster, but maybe it was time to teach herself otherwise. “Fair’s fair. But what’s got you smilin’?”

“Keya lost her bet with Kana. She’s going to be furious, and he’s never going to let her live it down.” The smile twisted wryly. “Or me, either, I suspect. She was certain if you talked to anyone about your past it would be Sagani.”

“ ’S a fair guess. And maybe if I’d gotten a sneak peak into her soul, I would’ve. What made Kana disagree?”

Aloth lifted one shoulder in a shrug. “Said he’s always been fond of a long shot. But I thought _I_ was the one who got to ask questions?”

“Right, sorry. I’m just wrappin’ my head around the fact you all were _betting_ on me.” She tilted her head. “Who was your money on?”

“No one. As you said; I know something about having a past you prefer not to dwell on. I figured it would never come up.”

“I don’t really want it to,” she sighed. “But I feel like you deserve to know somethin’ about me that’s on level with what I learned about you, so ask away. And make it quick, b'fore I come to my senses and go back to bed.” 

“What _are_ you doing up, anyway?” He actually sounded concerned.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Tavi confessed, rubbing her eyes. “I get weird dreams. You gonna ask me serious questions, Corfiser, or just inquire after my health?”

The note of amusement in her voice pulled another wry smile from Aloth. “We would be lost without our fearless leader.” He sobered. “Why were you running?”

“People were chasin’ me.” She held up a hand as he started to speak. “I’m not bein’ smart. I don’t know who, even after all these years. Just that they’re after me for some reason, and they’re really fuckin’ determined.”

“You don’t know the reason?” he frowned. “Can’t think of anything that might have angered someone enough to earn this kind of… dedication?”

She raised an eyebrow. “Sounds a bit like you’re blamin’ me for the thirty years I’ve spent lookin’ over my shoulder, city slicker.”

“Apologies, that’s not what I meant,” Aloth said, gaze dropping back to his book. “Just… if you knew _why_ it could help a great deal with determining who. It might even be something innocuous, that was taken the wrong way by someone.”

Tavi snorted. “Burnin’ down my family’s house an’ chasin’ me for three decades is a hell of a lot of retaliation for a stray comment, Aloth.”

He looked up, blinked at her. “They _burned down the house_?”

She bit back a groan. She hadn’t really wanted to go that far, but _fair’s fair_ she reminded herself as she fixed her gaze on the fire. “With my family still inside.” 

Aloth didn’t say anything, but she heard his breath catch.

“They let me try to get in t’ save 'em for ten minutes, burn my hands so bad it hurt to make a fist, and then they came after me.” Her gaze drifted to the faint scars on her palms. “I buried a dagger in th’ first one’s throat an’ the second one’s chest, started runnin’ and haven’t stopped since.”

“I… That’s awful.” His hands knotted and rested atop the book, fingers twisting one of his rings. “I’m sorry.”

“Not like it’s your fault, city slicker,” Tavi shrugged. “I mean, I 'preciate it, but it’s not like you can do anything to make it better. Just like I can’t do anything 'bout your father.”

He shifted uneasily. “That’s… not a situation that needs anything done about it.”

“Well, _now_ , sure. You somehow managed to turn out pretty decent in spite of him. But if I’d been there, y'know, _back then_ , I prob'ly woulda done worse to him than Iselmyr did.”

A thin smile pulled at his lips, and rather than protest, he commented, “That would have been a sight. How old would you have been, exactly?”

She bumped her shoulder lightly against his, the memory faded enough now she wasn’t too worried. “I’m not _that_ much younger than you, Corfiser. An’ at the very least I coulda kicked him in the shins a few dozen times.”

“And you would’ve done that?”

“Don’t see why not. I pretty regularly stood up for people gettin’ picked on, so it would track I'da told off your old man.” She frowned. “Or would that just’ve made him angrier?”

“Probably,” Aloth muttered. They sat in silence for a few minutes before he asked, “So… why? What turned you into the outspoken and occasionally violent defender of the downtrodden?”

She made a face at him for the undertone of amusement in his voice. “What made me blunt, passionate, and loud, ya mean? Started with protectin’ my brothers from kids who picked on 'em. Turned into noticin’ my father’d let his customers walk all over him to keep them happy an’ comin’ back. Didn’t wanna turn into a pushover like him. Maybe swung too far in the other direction.”

“Maybe?” he parroted, giving her a skeptical look.

“Alright, I _did_. You sure don’t seem to mind when my fightin’ spirit swoops in an’ saves your ass.”

“I do appreciate having someone I can trust to watch my back–not that I don’t trust the others, you just seem to do it a lot more. I just wish you would at least consider being _slightly_ less reckless, though, Tavi.”

“And there ya go, worryin’ about me again, city slicker,” Tavi needled, trying to ignore the warm fluttery feeling in her gut and failing miserably.

“Like I said, we’d be lost without our fearless leader,” Aloth said wryly. “Keya and Durance would probably kill each other within the first week, for starters.”

“And with me gone, Pallegina would be free to murder 'Ravi whenever she pleased,” she continued, grinning.

“You know he hates it when you call him that.”

Her grin widened. “Why d'ya think I do it? With Sagani it’s a friendly thing, with Hiravias it’s a get your goat thing.”

Aloth actually laughed, loud enough they heard Keya mumble in her sleep. He sobered once more as they waited for silence to return, his gaze on the fire. “Enjoyable as you may find it to envision the fallout of your theoretical demise, I hope you know none of us want that day to come anytime soon.”

“You’re awful fond of the melancholy thing tonight, city slicker,” Tavi said teasingly. “Maybe Bellasege was right an’ I should drag you back there, let her take your spleen.” 

He snorted, faint upward curve at one corner of his mouth belying the scowl he tossed in her direction. “And maybe while we’re there we can see if she wants to take anything from _you_.”

“Oh, I’m sure she would,” she laughed. “Several vital organs, probably. Maybe my brain, too. It’s prob'ly special with the whole Watcher thing.” She paused, let out a deep sigh. “All joking aside, and as much as I appreciate havin’ someone worry about me–” (it was a new feeling) “–you could lighten up, _juuuust_ a little.”

The scowl completely dissolved into a smile. “And you could worry about yourself in combat, just a little.”

Tavi yawned. “Indeed I could. And I think I’ll start by gettin’ a halfway decent night’s sleep. If you’re done interrogatin’ me…?”

Aloth nodded. “Good night, Watcher. Thank you.”

“G'night, city slicker.” She bumped her shoulder against his and shot him one last smile as she stood and carefully made her way back to her tent.

x*X*x

Much to Sagani’s relief(and Tavi’s, too), things seemed back to normal the following day. Tavi was her usual cheerful–almost boisterous–self, and while still quiet, Aloth wasn’t _gloomy_ quiet. He rolled his eyes at most of what came out of Hiravias’ mouth, blushed ever so slightly at most of what came out of Sagani’s, and carried on at least one _very_ intense discussion (they refused to call it a debate, which is what it sounded like to her) regarding lore with Kana and Keya. But what mattered most to Tavi was that he was once again willing to make eye contact with her, a fact that (strenuously as she would have denied it)made something inside her melt.

Just a little.

**Author's Note:**

> I know Pallegina and Hiravias get along just fine(I really love their party banters), but this is set early enough in the storyline they haven’t quite made it to amicable yet. Also, this is set right after finishing Two-Sided, and comes just before Tavi Near Death Experience #2 in Third Time’s the Charm, to give a sense of timeline.


End file.
